One of mum's friend bought New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn for me from Singapore. Sixty dollars. My money is worth books anytime. Story books. I heard there's going to be another volume, though. Midnight Scent or Sun... ?

I wonder why other people don't have silent voices in their heads telling them every bad thing will happen. I wonder why...
But it highly sucks. It's killing me. Almost literally. I wonder what happened to me that didn't happen to other people. I feel like Yuri from Shadow Hearts. Shouting at my head, "Shut up! Shut up!" When this voice speaks, nothing else will draw my attention. See, it's another proof I might be a freak.
If this goes on I may end up alone. Like I almost did this afternoon. Kinda.

Tira: ... Is everything okay kah, Rif?
Arif: I'm fine.
Tira: Are you still happy?
Arif: ... What are you talking about?

I really need to work on this. I love Arif. I can't lose this guy.

And I don't get it. Why is it so wrong to mum that I'm in this relationship? I know it may be a waste of time and effort but we are humans and we are growing up. We fall in love. I know now's not the best of times, but these things just come whether we like it or not. Having Arif is not a matter of... some bloody trend. I have Arif because I'm loving him. Expressing yourself is supposed to be healthy. We can't keep it just in here.

Note: Research how to destroy this stupid voice. Before it's too late.

Tira