The commerce teacher didn't come for the extra class today so we had an hour of free time. "Happy hour" as Leong puts it. Ahahah. He's so weird.

Rai went home for a while to have lunch. Syukri and Matul were holding hands. Muadz sat with Jeer and I. We were singing Indonesian. About every Indonesian song we've heard of. Muadz was singing. He was singing... I just stared at him, being pretty sure he rarely looks at me. He was... I don't know how to describe him. "Adorable" feels like an understatement. I love you so much, I thought. Then there it was again.

"Too bad. He's never gonna be yours."

I became scared. Very scared. And I also thought that... I can't love him more than I already have. It's just gonna make things more complicated. I was so scared, I'd do anything to shut that voice up. So I stood up and went out and spilled by the railings.

Muadz: *stared, wondered* Nangis kah ia...?
Jeer: Uh-oh, I think so.

I sobbed. Fatin came and told me about her same experience. I didn't know who it was but I think I heard someone saying, "Inda sabar kah?" Huh... Then Jeer came. Gave the same "advice" people have been telling me. Then she took my hand and dragged me away from the class to spill out everything.

I ranted, I wailed. Yes, wailed.

Tira: DAMMIT! IT'S NOT FAIR!! INDA ADIL NI! INDA ADIL!!!

Jeer: Yeah, well, life isn't fair, okay?

Tira: *sobs* Sometimes I just hate him! Hate him for making me love him more! Which I didn't think was even possible!

Jeer: Rauu... *hugs tightly*

Tira: *sobs* I love him! I love him! *burries head in arms* I love him...!

Jeer: I know you do!

Tira: *wails in despair*!!!

Jeer: Rau...

That hideous sound of my crumbling heart echoed in the corridors or... halls... whatever. I could barely stop. But I was forced to because we had Science about fifteen minutes later.

I started Shadow Hearts last night. Ahahah =) And Muadz is having trouble with the second one (0.0) Wow... That makes me a bit better than him xD

Tira