Ahahah xD

Oh Happy New Year, everyone =) Since I live on a hill, I had a pretty perfect view of the fireworks. Beautiful. Wheee!

So two of my cousins decided to stay over last night. Nina and Iqah. We had a bit of difficulty with Iqah, because her little baby brother kept crying as he didn't wanna leave his beloved sister behind. Awwww... So she followed her family back home then not long after that, we followed and "stole" her xD

Then we played Guitar Hero as usual. Until about twelve-thirty. We settled in my room after that and talked about a loooot of things. Mostly secrets.

"You know what I'm afraid of...?" I asked out of the blue. "I'm afraid that I might not be able to give my children what my parents has given me. You know... they're gonna be, like, 'Ma! Aku mau ani, aku mau atuu!' And what if I can't afford whatever my child wants? Especially not like this. I remember mom telling me once about dad. At the time she just gave birth to me, she was a bit disabled, right...? As in really tired already. Then I cried in the middle of the night. And my dad told mom to just stay put in bed and he went to get some milk for me instead. Then when he came back I was asleep again. And he just said, 'Nah... Tidur tah Irah ani...' He just smiled warmly and never got upset."

There are a lot of things I did that I feel stupid and so sad about. Things that make me don't deserve all my parents have given me. I deserve to be burnt alive... *sighs*... It's just making me so sad... There was this picture I saw from one of my albums. It showed a little me in mom's arms. In front of us was my birthday cake. When I was little I was afraid of cameras for some reason. So I was crying in the picture. It was a very sad sight. It looked like mom was the only one attending my birthday, and she was trying hard to make me happy. And I was just crying there... When I look at it now, I feel like, "She's trying to make you happy, stupid! Stop crying!"

And I remember a time when we were in Miri... When I was little I was an outcast in school. And there was this popular girl who always wore this certain headband. So I wanted to be like her. I spotted the same headband in a Miri store. And I cried and cried for mom to buy me it right at that spot... And mom just took my hand and said, "Awu... Mama balikan ni..." *sighs*...

*wipes tears*... I sent that speech to kaka xD And she replied. Kindly this time. Finally =)

I need to finish my tears x)

Arit